the “Miller Time” segment
BILL O’REILLY, HOST: In the “Miller Time” segment tonight, Dennis Miller has been having a lot of fun on his syndicated radio program for Westwood One. And he joins us from L.A. to share the joy.
Now I know you saw “The Factor” last night. We were pretty tough on John Edwards. We showed his house from above and went to the trailer park across the street to interview the folks who don’t really like him. Were we unfair to the former senator from North Carolina?
DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, Bill, first off I have to say that “Factor” was like the night the Beatles were on the Sullivan show. My favorite “Factor” ever.
O’REILLY: Thank you.
MILLER: And I love it when you weighed in on Edwards, because to me the guy’s just an overly coiffed pillar of dim. He makes Clifford Irving look like Sir Thomas Moore. And if you say you can’t see through that guy like used Neutrogena, then that Democrat apologist was in complete denial.
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When did Dennis Miller lose me? I don’t think it’s entirely a case of his political changes — he is now full-score on the Rudy Giuliani bandwagon, but I admit it might be.  It started with that Monday Night Football stint, where all his jokes added up to a rehearsed play off players’ names, ridiculous to the point I watched Dennis Miller ask one of the other color commentators if he could have a second to get his little pun in. A bit later, I watched an episode of his most recent HBO program, I think but am not positive from before his MNF gig, and it seemed that he was trying a little too hard. What was then his newly honed schtik of placing the “Rant” up forth and categorizing it as such dribbled a bit toward a tiring novelty.
This John Edwards riff strikes me as stunningly weak. It is a compilation of obscur-ish literary references, and a pop cultural artifact, floating there, grabbed from the sky, pushing down the Helium filled balloon toward the ground lest they float away. It is an act that I will never be able to tell if he mailed it in or if he’s legitimately considering it clever.
The background for the John Edwards riff largely focuses into that $300 haircut. As acts of extravagance, I don’t see how this can concern me. It looks forever like a permanent fixture of attack — Bill Clinton had one early early early on in his presidency which supposedly delayed a flight, but it was an urban myth (Not the expensive haircut; the flight delay). At least that Al Gore Energy parade made sense, even if that attack was only half correct in half of its purview. I guess John Edwards is the equivalent of Mitt Romney in terms of a plastic and somewhat disingenuous appearance. The difference, I suppose, is that John Edwards’s focus on poverty somehow chafe against his Income bracket. Thus we get lavish praise for Mitt Romney without any backsliding into “latte liberal”-ism. (Incidentally, I am currently drinking a cup of latte. I also have no money to speak of.):
O’REILLY: But you’ve got a very — how important in this world is Romney’s appearance? Which, I mean, you can’t get more presidential looking than Mitt Romney.
I mean, look, if you were to make up a guy, this would be the guy, you know, that looks presidential. He’s got the jaw going on, the little gray thing in there. And I think that means a lot in America.
MILLER: Well, I do, too. But when you back it up with the fact that he’s competent, too. He ran a pretty tight Olympics. And you know, this is the guy who invented Staples. And I think he understands a step-by-step business plan. And I think the Staples thing is going to come out as adversaries best keep their head up, because it will be death by a thousand cuts with Romney. It will be a very..
Dennis Miller tangled his references in that I don’t think of Staples as “cutting”. But that may be too fine a point. More striking is that hypocrisy showed in Bill O’Reilly’s asinine discussion of Mitt Romney’s “little gray thing in there”, probably the product of a $150 hair dying formula.
Oh Sam I am. I do not like Rudy Giuliani, Hillary Clinton, Mitt Romney, or John McCain. Give me Green Eggs and Ham.