It’s never too early to start contemplating the Republican Primary campaign for 2012!

Well, actually it is.  But never mind, let’s roll my second “2012 Republican Presidential Candidate Cattle Call” listing of who’s up, who’s down, and who’s sideways as the candidates all line up and jockey in order to lead the currently embattled Republican Party to victory against Cheese – Eating Surrender Monkey* and chronic Tele-prompter reader Barack “Barry” Obama.

The hard data we have to work with from since last time — polling shows a Statistical Three-Way Tie between Mike Huckabee, Sarah Palin, and Mitt Romney.  Newt Gingrich trails.  Jeb Bush is proferred for reasons not quite clear.  Tim Pawlenty is not proferred up as a name.  Nor is Bobby Jindal.  Nor is John Ensign.  Nor is Ron Paul.  The list is thus useless.

Bare in mind that at a similar point in the 1948 race, Henry Wallace was the Democratic favorite — before joining the Communist Party as the head of the third Progressive Party, and that at a similar point in the 2004 race, Joseph Lieberman was the Democratic favorite, before joining himself as the head of the Joseph Lieberman Party.

#1:  Mitt Romney.  I still think he is the choice by default.  He’s been making a lot of speeches calling Barack Obama a poopy-head and all the rest.  Interesting to note, this exercise of absurdity — the idea that Barack Obama should put Mitt Romney in as head of GM.  Assuming the worst, that Obama is sold on Mitt Romney — is a neoliberal of the highest order who goes for Mitt Romney’s Union – Busting ways in restructuring GM, and assuming that he thinks Romney would do a terrific job in a political vacuum — the political vacuum is pierced by the fact that Romney fancies himself President and would much use his position for some good amount of political grand-standing, which pretty well undermines his job.  Bad idea.  Also one of those Silly ideas that shows people have too much time on their hand — similar to this hypothetical match-up scenario asking if Michael Dukakis might have won the 2008 presidential election.

#2:  Ron Paul.  Hey.  A vast swarth of votes is his if he wants it.  And maybe, just maybe, the necessary political realignment due to the interloping hooligans known as the “Free Staters” will give him the boost he needs to win the New Hampshire primary!

#3:  Sarah Palin.  She may want to not run for re-election in Alaska.  This is the problem with our political system:  it encourages politicians to avoid having a job lest they leave a record to scrutinize.
Also noted here, in purely crass political terms, the Islamic Fundamentalist who shot the army recruiter proferred Palin an easy out in addressing the Tiller murderer — a little from section a and a little from section b comes out a bit tidier.
And on the pop cultural front, Hustler has released, with a quasi-safe video clip on youtube, a new porn film by the title “Obama is Nailin’ Palin”.  So you’ve got that.

#4:  Mike Huckabee.  No.  Really.  Don’t laugh.  Why, he’s currently in a three-way tie with Palin and Romney!  I’m sure his speech at the Iowa Association of Business and Industry’s annual meeting in Okoboji on June 10 will go down in the anals of History.

#5.  A tie.  It’s John Ensign, Newt Gingrich, Haley Barbour, and Bobby Jindal.  There may or may not be much to say about any of them, except that they’re all kind of mysteriously swarming into the state of Iowa.

I always wonder about Iowa.  Do Iowans want to be continually swarmed by greasy politicians, at all hours of the night, at all days of the year, for about three straight years?  What percentage of their economy is based on campaign flutterings?  Is this Iowa’s fate? 

Regarding Newt Gingrich — a sign of his viability as Presidential timber — his twitters are considered newsworthy.  Regarding John Ensign — do you quite believe this copy?

“I think he’s a rising star in the conservative movement and I can’t wait to introduce him to Iowa,” said Tim Albrecht, an organizer for the American Future Fund, an Iowa-based conservative advocacy group.  Albrecht, a former staffer for Romney during his presidential run, said Iowa is the perfect place for potential candidates to hone their message. Romney visited Iowa repeatedly before declaring his candidacy, then held events in the state almost weekly in the months leading to the caucuses.  “You can’t find a more fertile soil in America to begin growing the new conservative movement,” Albrecht said.

Does anybody desire to see a ticking off of what everyone else is doing in Iowa?

#9: Another tie.  Mark Sanford, Tim Pawlenty.  It’s not that either one of them are any more or less forminable than the entry for #5.  It’s just that neither of them are in Iowa right now.  Of the two, I’d give the edge in Presidential racing to Pawlenty.  He’s quitting his job — Sanford seems to be sticking to a job, and that’s going to end up killing his chances.  (Though it may be better if he did opt out of his job.)

* Due to historical problems with that insult, the word “monkey” is sort of null and void for this particular President.  I regret the error.

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