I have a suspicion that this page is being dropped (advertisement by the Newspaper Association of America) into large numbers of newspapers at this moment.  The very act of its publication is a refutation for the attempt to claim perfect health of the newspaper, even if some of the points are irrefutable enough.  (Point #7 is, at the moment, the crux of the matter in terms of proffering actual goodness to god news.)

But I have to wonder about the Health of the Newspaper when this is what we get for the category of  “Creative Solution”:

6. Myth: There are no creative options in newspapers.
Reality: Newspaper advertising options have exploded and now include shape and polybag ads, post-it notes, “we prints,” shingle spadeas, scented ads, taste-it ads, glow-in-the-dark, belly bands and temporary tattoos, as well as event and database marketing, behavioral targeting, e-mail blasts, e-newsletters and more.

Huh.  Let’s go down this list.
Shape and Polybag ads.  (Next thing you know they’ll be sticking AOL cds in there.)
Post it notes.  (Thank you 3M.)
Scented ads.  (Nothing smells better than perfuming newsprint.)
Taste it ads.  (Because we really want to lick newsprint.)
Glow – in – the Dark Ads.  (Pick up the newspaper at dawn, jogging ot the bus-station, in the night, and…)
Belly bands and temporary tattoos.  (Target the youth demographic, I guess?)

Not mentioned in the 3D ad and the colored glasses insert.

Okay.  John Sturm.  Can you go back to the drawing board and come up with a list of advertising options that doesn’t make me despair of many, many things.

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