Hey you, players on the Xavier team.  You’re going down.  No way you’re going to beat the Portland State University Vikings.  You know why?

Because these players… They have No Fear.  They’ve seen the inside of a Mexican Jail Cell.  That gives them an Edge you can’t imagine.  You think they fear some stinking tall dribbling guy?  Jeremiah Dominguez, shrimp though he may be at, what 5 feet 1?, will look right up into your eyes and radiate a sense of Fearlessness as there’s nothing close that you can dole out that the Mexican Police haven’t already.

The other Northwest team in the Tournament, the Gonzaga Bulldogs — this is a frustrating program in many ways.  They’ve basically achieved their maximum level and aren’t ever going to punch past that ceiling.  A few years ago Sports Illustrated put them on the cover at the beginning of the season as predicted Champions — the magazine showing their gimmicky ways to be sure.  This year’s team kind of stinks.  To wit: they lost to the goddamned Portland State University Vikings.  Who loses to Portland State?  I saw an interview with the coach of Xavier answering a question of how far he thought his team would go by saying, “Well, first thing’s first.  We have Portland State.  Good team.  You know, they beat Gonzaga.”  Really, the coach of Akorn should be saying to his players, “They can be had.  I mean, they lost to Portland State.”  Also, acorns can bop heads of Bulldogs just as easily as bulldogs can bite into acorns, so the mascot contest is fairly equal.  (Oh wait.  Akorn’s mascot isn’t the Acorn?  Well it should be… the Akorn Acorns!)  To be sure, Gonzaga is commonly referenced as “the Zags”, which makes the battle between “Zags” and “Acorns” even more difficult to ascertain, as it becomes a rather abstract battle — does the Acorn win if it zigs more than it zags, and the acorn zags, how does that signify a defeat?

Well, go… um… let’s go to the bottom of the list… Go… GO … a final four made up of the 16 seeds, which are apparently: CHAT, ETSU, RAD, and one of two teams ESPN couldn’t be bothered to deliniate. 
ALL THE WAY, BABY!

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