Well, this should settle the matter.

The Lizard People are issued one collective vote in Minnesota for local and national elections, a practice which dates back to the landmark 1893 case Lizard People vs Minnesota Board of Education. Reptoids were struck from all educational materials in exchange for one vote, mineral rights and several tons of live crickets.

Well, it’s no more ridiculous than watching this debate.

But The Weekly World News has some other fascinating angles covered.

After their crushing defeat in November the Republican Party was left with no clear leader. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal hopes to fill the power vacuum, and has entered talks with Satan to do just that.

And why aren’t there more Southerners in Obama’s cabinet?  (“The disparity isn’t an accident”, says the omniscent Associated Press.)  Well, someone has to be poorly represented to make room for the Aliens.:

Obama has been in talks to hire Xaxal, a well-known alien rights activist in the extraterrestrial community. His expertise alien-human relations makes him an exceptional candidate for one of the Agency Review teams. These teams provide the president-elect with information needed to make strategic policy, budgetary, and personnel decisions prior to the inauguration.
President George W. Bush has all but ignored even bringing alien rights to the table for the past eight years. Many extraterrestrials living in the United States are now looking to President-Elect Obama to make radical policy changes.
When pressed to explain at a recent press conference, Obama simply stated, “Look, I’ve known Xaxal for a long time. He attended Ykard University, the galactic sister school of Harvard Law, and has defended minority rights on 27 different planets in the last 300 years. If anyone else is more qualified in alien issues than him, I’d like to meet them!”

And of course… the promise of Eliot Spitzer before he was busted for prostitution, lives on with…

Bernard Madoff may be free on bail from fraud charges but Bat Boy has pledged to see him punished!

Bernard Madoff, chairman of an investment fund, was arrested by the FBI last Friday on criminal charges of securities fraud. It is believed that investors lost $50 billion due to his scheme, making it the largest investor fraud ever attributed to a single individual. And yet he is now walking the streets a free man, after posting his $10 million bail.

Bat Boy reportedly flew into a rage when he heard the news on his cave’s short-wave radio. It seems he has now made it his personal mission to bring Madoff to justice.

And here I thought the Weekly World News had ceased its existence.  No.  It just did what The Christian Science Monitor recently did.  Print is Dead — all the major news sources are winding their way online.  The Christian Science Monitor and the Weekly World News — venerable old gray lady news sources like those.

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