Comparing Celebrity
There was a set of three small advertisements toward the back of the Portland Mercury last week. $5 concerts for each of the following: Bullet Boys. Vanilla Ice. Gin Blossoms.
At another time these artists would have fetched a lot more than the meager five dollars that you can see them for now. They all had fifteen minutes, more or less, of fame. I think you can assess The Gin Blossoms as having not loomed as large as the other two, but on the other hand not having had as big a fall in esteem. I think you can assess Vanilla Ice as the one who endured the greatest ridicule. I think the Bullet Boys’ star faded away long enough before Grunge blew Glam Metal out that they avoided that ridicule.
Two things about Vanilla Ice. #1: The VH1 “Behind the Music” episode for him was the highest rated episode. #2: He managed his money well, and doesn’t have to do these $5 shows. I guess it’s a tribute to him, and the Bullet Boys for that matter, that he does. I guess the Gin Blossoms are the odd man out in this equation, as they seem to be a sort of innocuous alternative pop rock, great-selling because it was able to played on so many radio formats. For the life of me I don’t know who Vanilla Ice’s audience is — he’s moved in a “new direction” and is all with the “Nu Metal”, which sort of clashes with the slightly ironic nostalgia audience who might think it worthwhile to go to the show. I understand perfectly who might go to the Bullet Boys show, and a bit murky but understand enough for the Gin Blossoms.
This gets me around to Paris Hilton. I see those washed out stars doing stuff, pass their prime of popularity. Paris Hilton — currently in the height of her popular culture zietgeist — I have always been insulted that I know who she is. There are plenty of millionaire heiresses out there who don’t have to work, and I’m not annoyed by them because… they live their lives and I don’t know them. If Paris Hilton were performing somehow or other, then maybe I wouldn’t be so insulted by her presence in the pop cultural landscape. But all we have is this ridiculous sex tape. A sex tape that further elucidates the problem: her nonchalance… her boredom… her pampered up-bringing. I understand there is some aspirational admiration from tweens toward Paris Hilton, which is probably an indictment on our culture.
Today everyone wants the Head of LAPD Sherrif Lee Baca for what I will say, without any hyperbole, an outrage. The whole situation makes my head spin, up to and including Paris Hilton’s press releases of thanks for her “fair treatment”. It is a vacuous assault to our senses regarding the most vacuous celebrity I know. She was released because of medical troubles, which apparently are nothing more than an anxiety over fretful lower living. Bubble Girl is Paris.
This is the only time I have ever felt compelled to spend any of my brain-span thinking about goddamned Paris Hilton, because it looks as though a conspiracy took place in Los Angeles for the sole purpose of pushing Paris goddamned Hilton out of prison.
These are the things that Revolution are made out of, the times in which the Masses rise up and push certain individuals against the wall.
To the good people of Los Angeles County: you may want to look into the Recall laws, you know? The same recall laws that took out Gray Davis and gave you Arnold Schwarzenegger. The enemy is Lee Baca, a basically intractable machine politician. By the time he’s up for re-election, this controversy will be long forgotten, so do it now.
In the meantime, maybe you oughta go ahead and give a shilling to a celebrity who actually looks to be doing something… ANYTHING. For example, Vanilla Ice is putting on a show in Portland. Part of a tour, I think.