Memories of a Rock Band I’d Rather not Remember
In consideration of the Rick Emerson Show and his aborted attempt at compiling a “Top 5 list” for Most Bland Rock Acts.
My father was a Hootie and the Blowfish fan. So, it was the summer of — I guess 1995 — and my parents and I were in the desert visiting my Arizona-based sister. We were in Borders or a store like Borders, and my dad said “I want to get a Hootie and the Blowfish tape.” My sister? She was impressed that he knew who Hootie and the Blowfish were. How very hip. Mom literally said, “Go buy your Hootie and the Goldfish album.”
I did not like Hootie and the Blowfish. I did not hate them. That is what it means to be a “bland” rock band. But there was something incessantly annoying in the way that there was a single from them playing on the radio (“Album Based Rock format” — ie: “Classic Rock with Pearl Jam”; Top 40; Soft-Rock; Adult Contemporary, etc)… and then another single… and then another single… and then another single… and on and on until 11 of the 12 songs were played in the radio rotation of any radio station this side of the “Country” format.
The premonition hit me, as the band riffed its tenth track onto a single and onto the radio. “This is this decade’s version of “Huey Lewis and News!” One huge burst — which tumbles forward with great velocity, and then it’s overplayed until they become an overnight joke, and at this point in time you can tie the band to one or maybe two specific years. 1984… 1985, thanks to Back to the Future. 1995 with Hootie, and what do you think of that “Only Wanna Be With You” music-video done on a basketball gymnasium with various NBA basketball stars, totally transforming the meaning of the song?
Huh. A number of years later, my mother is somewhat apologizing to me, or apologizing to herself in my direction, for getting my brother and I mere gift certificates to … some music store chain I can’t think of the name of. She tells me that dad was almost to buy us a Hootie and the Blowfish album, but that didn’t seem right. My response was, “No. That makes no sense for me, and even less sense for him.” I don’t think dad has any other Hootie album except that first tape. Go buy him the band’s follow-up recording for Christmas, someone.
Today, the Blandest Rock Band is a huge hit on the Business Conference Circuit. That seems appropriate enough… brings new meaning to the phrase “Corporate Rock”. I imagine the opening act at these gigs is Huey Lewis and the News.