The presidential candidate who provided the template for the dualing “anti-war here, pro-war with some criticisms of the president’s handling of the war there” strategy toward presidential elections was DeWitt Clinton, during the 1812 election — which coincided with The War of 1812. The results were the same as John Kerry’s — which is to say that he lost (and let us for the moment assume that he did in fact lose). History repeats itself, or as I put it: History regurgitates forward. As for The War of 1812, it concluded… roughly where it started, but with a feeling that “we won”. The template for how the Korean Conflict ultimately unfolded.

Dwight Eisenhower, who had been running somewhat ahead of his competition in Adlai Stevenson in the 1952 election, and running with the strong anti-communism Conservative movement that lurked in the shadows of the Republican Party suggesting we need to bomb Korea to the stone-age. Eisenhower’s “October Surprise” was to announce that he would bring the damned thing to an end, a vote for Eisenhower was a vote for Peace, thus laying the groundwork to what looks like in 20/20 hindsight his inevitable landslide victory. Dwight Eisenhower would go on to accomplish two key things in his first term: (1) By ending the War in Korea, and not submitting to a policy of always fighting the Communists and never ever “appeasing” or making any type of agreement with the Soviet Union, a frustration with the Right-wing base of the Republican Party who hated “containment”, he assured at the very least some half-way decent boundary on where we could not go to war through the Cold War. (2) He was useful in defusing Joseph McCarthy. He never confronted McCarthy. Actually, his role as “Golfer in Chief” echoed a template set by George Washington: a minimalist presidency by a Supreme Commander.

Eisenhower’s second term was pretty darned useless, though.

Shortly before Al Gore pulled himself out of the 2004 race in December of 2002, and thus pulling out the center of gravity to what in hindsight looks like a farcical charade en-route to the party-determined Kerry nomination, when it was assumed he was running based on some speeches blasting Bush’s Iraq War policy with a brief nod to “universial health care” and guesting on one of the greatest episodes of Saturday Night Live ever… I was the contrarian who thought he was not going to run. I guessed he was surveying the political landscape, decide that Bush was unbeatable, and would decide to bide his time by shoring up the historically skeptical liberal base of the party — but a base that thought he was robbed in 2000 — and run in 2008… a carbon copy of the game Richard Nixon played between 1960 and 1968.

I shrug now. Who knows? He’s since spent his time creating a “youth-oriented” public affairs television network, which is somewhere around channel 420 on your mega-cable package, (bizarrely derided by Rush Limbaugh as the “all blowjob network” because that’s “all the youth is really interested in”). The venture may just be an excuse to work his donor network. He’s made a couple speeches about Global Warming, occasionally on a day that Matt Drudge can sophomorically paste the news to his website alongside a “Record Cold Temperature in Winter Blast Storm in NYC”. He sold out his appearance in Portland, Oregon. And he made a speech yesterday, which was quote-in-quote:

the first sign of leadership from the Democratic party in six years.

… a sure sign that the Democratic Party apparatus hates his guts. I do dare say that there is a chance that Gore, freed from the restraints of having to suck up to the powers that be for his political lifeline, is speaking with conviction and a “freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose”, and his second act is speaking on the troubles that plague our republic as a converted outsider. I dare say.

And so comes the inevitable Hillary versus Gore talk. Hillary, who has occasionally triangulated to a spot right of Attila the Hun in her attempt to corner a mythical center, and who draws a crowd of almost equal size in Portland, Oregon. I trifle over Huffington’s criticism. American history is full of enough presidents who have overstepped their executive power that to say “worst”, “one of the worst”, or even “middling” is a silly parlor game.

Still, we know Hillary Clinton is running. I haven’t got a clue about Gore, who presumably would have the support of Bob Barr if not Bob Barr’s former supporters who must hew closely to Bush lest their heads explode. (But probably not.)

A curious religious debate is raging in Egypt. The question is: should you keep your clothes on when having sex?

Another religious scholar suggested it was OK for married couples to see each other naked as long as they don’t look at the genitals. To avoid problems in that area, he recommended having sex under a blanket.

And so it goes. Meanwhile, the new president of Iran — Mohammad Khatami — is a certifiable nut. In the United States, we have the problem where George Bush keeps claiming that Jesus is telling him to do this and do that — Jesus wanted Bush to bomb Iraq, you see.

— Just to remind you.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad believes he is being divinely guided to help bring about the reappearance of the Imam Mahdi, the Shia Muslim equivalent of the Messiah, which would herald the Last Judgment and the end of the world. Some of his most devoted followers believe that he is Imam Mahdi. It’s never a good thing when significant parts of various nations have this in mind for a positive result of International affairs:

Others view him as an Islamisist version of Hugo Chavez, the populist Venezuelan president I personally cannot make heads or tails of, despite my aversion to the former IMF regimes that have flourished throughout Latin America (hrm) — but he certainly is making a good career of demagouging the United States government — and remember, everybody, it’s not just about George Bush — for [ahem] “Mr. Danger is not a person but an imperial system of hegemony that personifies within himself all other names and figures.”

Actually, come to think of it, this makes him something like what a President Pat Buchanan though nobody has ever confused Pat Buchanan with the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. It’s a strong reliance on the culture war, wedged with the economic battle for the lower-class “common man”, losing their way in the new economic structure. Toss in some Holocaust denying to boot, and the case becomes air tight. (This was Pat Buchanan’s idea:

)

Of course, Israel has its set of nutcases, who keep wanting to kill off anybody who gives a whiff of approaching some peaceful resolution to the irretractible conflict.

I’ve decided that “Pat Robertson” is a noun and a verb, as well as a verb. To pull a Pat Robertson is the phrase I have in mind. The embattled mayor of New Orleans pulled a Pat Robertson on MLK Day. He talked to King past the grave, (is that pulling a John Edward, of “Crossing Over” fame?) and then … got weird:

And as we think about rebuilding New Orleans, surely God is mad at America, he’s sending hurricane after hurricane after hurricane and it’s destroying and putting stress on this country. Surely he’s not approving of us being in Iraq under false pretense. But surely he’s upset at black America, also. We’re not taking care of ourselves. We’re not taking care of our women. And we’re not taking care of our children when you have a community where 70 percent of its children are being born to one parent.

We ask black people: it’s time. It’s time for us to come together. It’s time for us to rebuild a New Orleans, the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans. And I don’t care what people are saying Uptown or wherever they are. This city will be chocolate at the end of the day.

Was there a Chocolate City in Willy Wonka? Never mind. Nagin a Republican turned Democrat, Democrat supporting the Republican gubernatorial candidate last time around, and more to the point a man who received a greater proportion of white votes than black votes in his election. Now he tells us what Martin Luther King, Jr is thinking across the grave, tells us how angry and vengeful God is, and expresses quite awkwardly the perils of getting New Orleans back in business.

So. Islamic radicals who have sex with their clothes on, and await the coming apocalypse. Jewish radicals who sanke-handle for the death of Israeli presidents. Christian nutcases who exploit racial fears and express the desires of the vengeful God in the Sky. Pick your poison.

There’s a gleeful absurdity with the Florida Marlins. This franchise has won two World Series in the past decade. After each world series victory, they’ve slashed payroll — the first time immediately, the second time a season or so afterward. Dizzying highs and numbing lows, and somehow things can’t click into economic viability for Miami.

So, if Portland were to get the Florida Marlins, could they claim two World Series victories? Sure, why not? I say they oughta keep the name “Marlins” for just that purpose! It’s not like the franchise is going to win anything in Portland. The effect of a Portland Major League baseball team would be two bad sports teams, and given the current climate of major league baseball — the baseball team doesn’t look to be terribly hopeful. (See, baseball doesn’t have a lot of parity. In the NFL if you can’t get your team to have a successful season every so often, it’s your own damned fault. In Major League baseball, there are winners and losers, and I don’t like Portland’s chances. And you become a money-generator, for the city at large, by winning.)

I scan the “Sports Talk Radio” 1080 The Fan. Oh boy do they hate Tom Potter. He ain’t no Vera Katz, who was actively working to get baseball into Portland. Actually, it almost looks like he’s actively working to drive Major League Baseball away from the city. More power to him! Despite some sophistry on his part in claiming “Education” as the issue he would rather spend time and money on. (Sorry, Tom Potter, but economic development is important. That building a MLB franchise is not the thing to go with doesn’t obscure the importance of bringing money into the local economy.) The second point, that most Portlanders could care less, has every appearance of being true, a statement that couldn’t have sat well with the Florida Marlins officials or the bringers of baseball into the city of Portland. The people who do care are calling into “Sports talk radio”, saying “We want Portland to be Major League”, which I wonder: well then, why doesn’t every city go ahead and pick up a major league franchise to become, quote-in-quote, “Major League”? Why, if Hartford, Connecticut had managed to get the New England Patriots into their city (during the late 1990s lull that the team found themselves in, where they asked Foxboro for some money for a new stadium-deal), they would three Superbowl victories! (Urm?)

Why am I supposed to consider a statement that “Portland oughta be ‘Major League'” as assuredly self-evident?

Actually, everything breaks down on the Sports Radio front. Talk of economic development ifalls away, and we get to brass tasks with the sports fan lament “The real deal is that we want to be here, during the middle of the season, talking about how the team needs an extra couple of pitchers.” And an outfielder or two. Maybe some more hitting. A better mascot.

I cannot escape the basic thought that taxpayers will be on the hook for a failed baseball franchise, despite all assurances that the revenue to build the stadium will come from the standard list you get with these things — a Hotel tax and stadium parking.

“Just because I bite somebody, it doesn’t make them a vampire,” Sharkey said. “It doesn’t make them evil, and they’re not going to be like — hiss-s-s! — all over the place. I mean, let’s be real here.”

I am not averse to voting for fringe candidates. Heck, I’m struggling wondering why many of the currently elected “public servants” aren’t consigned to the fringes of our political life — my big bugliobo being Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn with his “rampant lesbianism in the bathrooms of Southeast Oklahoma schools”. In the same way I have yet to vote for a Democrat or Republican for president, in the two Portland mayorial primaries I’ve had the privilege of voting in, I have selected Shaun J Fairlee and … Extremo the Clown. Evidentally, Portland elected a “fringe candidate” of sorts for mayor back in the 1980s in Bud Clarke, although… his lack of seriousness was a ruse to throw off the insider candidate, who come election day is said to have said something to the effect of, “I want to vomit.” (His most famous contribution to politics had been this.)

“We’ve got enough screwballs in politics already,” one man said.

“I don’t understand where these people come from, but to each his own,” another said.

For what it is worth, I slyly inserted Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey into my “endorsement” list. Whatever that means. But the case of this gubernatorial candidate has arrived at political and religious impasse:

The Princeton School District is requesting that Julie Carpenter be removed from driving or having contact with students. It is our opinion Ms. Carpenter does not serve as a role mode nor is suitable to perform transportation services for the Princeton School District in light of recent media reports of her husband/friend to be a vampire who is running for public office and Ms. Carpenter informing other bus garage employees that she is a witch.

The parents of the good little Christian kids have the chore of explaining how somebody might be a witch, and how somebody might use blood-sucking as a metaphor of what the political establishment does in office. I guess that’s more aggrivating than explaining Janet Jackson’s breast? I don’t know.

As she said, she’s not sucking the children’s blood. Another case of how you cannot acceptably travel outside society’s-definition of acceptable (and frequently odd) belief-systems and behaviour.

fan fiction they might be giants

So, John Flansburg was getting married to his new wife. John Linnell was his best man, of course. The pastor said, “If anybody has any reason these two should not get married, speak now or forever hold your peace.” John Linnell astounded the audience by shouting out his undying love for John Flansburg. Stay tuned next time to find out how John Flansburg reacts.

ben nelson unitary executive

Ben Nelson is for it. He needs to prove to Nebraska that he is not a real Democrat in order to get re-elected, thus he’s not giving an inch in his all-out effort to sell out.

came to a 22-year-old activist named brian kim last september

Oh. That’s a classic one. See my post here. Nutty, aren’t they?

where was andrew johnson administrated the oath of office as president of the united states?

Kirkwood Hotel, 12th St. & Pennsylvania Ave., N.W., Washington, D.C. I know that because a google search delivered me to this.

pimp my saturn

Your Saturn’s da bomb.

judge alito and skull and bones

Hm. No. Sorry. Not every public figure that comes up is a member of Skull and Bones. His undergraduate college career was, as you heard from Joe Biden’s amusing elite-to-elite Ivy League jab, at Princeton.

we are about to be attacked by al-qaida. wave flags if you have them. that always seems to scare them away. i m kidding.

I’ll take your word for it.

kim jong seattle seahawk skit

Well, there is a joke about Seattle being in “Southern Alaska”, accounting for the team’s relative anonymity in the franchise’s best season ever. Is Kim Jong Il a fan? I don’t know.

freemasons skull and bones meaning

You’re mixing up your conspiracies. Btw: if we ever have an ant-Skull and Bones Political Party, please don’t be like the old anti-Mason Party (who nominated a Mason to run for president) and please don’t run a Skull and Bones member.

I am told that you need to read up on your Robert Anton Wilson. His novels put various `factions’ of masons against each other. His early stuff looks to have been written during a major drug trip, though… Maybe later.

skull and bones wadsworth

Many Wadsworths, yes. An elite family of Yalies. Like the Bushes.

erin geek in the city oregon

Erin? ERIN? ERIN???

the weird thing that happened in the election of 1796

The president of the American Association for the Advancement of Science was running against the president of the American Association of Arts and Letters. Is that weird enough for you?

how a masonic can win election

Well, just get his Mason friends to write him up in the Mason press, and next thing you know you have an astro-turf campaign springing up.

taxidermied baby ducks

Cute?

I took too many cough drops. what do i do?

Whatever else you do, do not cough. I repeat: DO NOT COUGH.

video for miss venezuela 2005 when losing her bottom bikini

I’m skeptical, only because I’d think a google search would surely deliver me that, if it existed.

what is before noon?

11:00 am.

who is the inventor of string?

The Babylonians, maybe?

what teleivision show that gave rock and roll a place to flourish

You’re probably thinking of “American Bandstand”.

ron paul & vermont succession movement

He’s all in favor of the secessionist movement. I don’t think he cares if it succeeds or not. I apologize for misspelling “secede” like that.

david kaplan wife transcendental meditation

David Kaplan, as of June 9, 2004: Last month, David Kaplan publicly cut all ties with the TM movement. In a letter, Kaplan said he and his brother investigated the movement’s leader, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, and the TM movement closely, and subsequently he could “no longer support or be associated with Maharishi, his ideas, his knowledge or any of his organizations in any way whatsoever.”

“For that I was kicked out of the movement,” he said in an earlier letter. David said he will continue to develop a 5,800-acre parcel of land he owns privately and said he hopes Heavenly Mountain will become a “normal development, not a TM development.” What that has to do with his wife, I do not know.

portland state university and sex party

I wasn’t invited to it. Nay. But I think you’re looking for this story..

dogs

Dogs is the #2 search word that arrives at struat.com. DOGS!!!

What does that mean?