Archive for December, 2004
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Sunday, December 19th, 2004
Part 9: Christ Nightmare
Sunday, December 19th, 2004Jesus was doing that “fish and bread” thing where he divides loaves of bread and fish to feed a huge crowd.
Only he was doing it with pizza.
And he was trying to poison us all with a computer virus. The pizza was synthetic, and infused with an email virus.
And we’re supposed to be “putting” this asshole back into “AssholeMas”? Sheesh.
(*Note: The guy doing this had absolutely no resemblance to any common likeness of Jesus, nor did anyone think of him as Jesus, nor was there a great deal lot of pizzas around the place… actually, I’m not sure it was even pizza… it may have been enchiladas.
But now I’m rambling on the incoherency of remembering dreams, an act which is a boring no-no…)
Part 8: It Goes Like This
Sunday, December 19th, 2004Macy’s Department Store Clerk: Thank you. Come again. Happy Holidays.
Customer, Crusader for Christmas: Merry Christmas.
Clerk: Sure. (looks to next customer)
Customer: No. Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Clerk: Yes?
Customer: Mery Fucking Christmas, asshole. (storms off in disbelief.)
Or something like that.
Part 7: The Jewish Conspiracy
Saturday, December 18th, 2004Well, now I know who the culprits of the plot against Christmas are.
The Jews.
That has changed, you may have noticed. And I blame my fellow Jews. When it comes to pushing the multicultural, anti-Christian agenda, you find Jewish judges, Jewish journalists, and the American Civil Liberties Union, at the forefront.
Being Jewish, I should report, Christmas was never celebrated by my family. But what was there not to like about the holiday? To begin with, it provided a welcome two-week break from school. The decorated trees were nice, the lights were beautiful, “It’s a Wonderful Life” was a great movie, and some of the best Christmas songs were even written by Jews.
But the dirty little secret in America is that anti-Semitism is no longer a problem in society – it’s been replaced by a rampant anti-Christianity. For example, the hatred spewed toward George W. Bush has far less to do with his policies than it does with his religion. The Jews voice no concern when a Bill Clinton or a John Kerry makes a big production out of showing up at black Baptist churches or posing with Rev. Jesse Jackson because they understand that’s just politics. They only object to politicians attending church for religious reasons.
My fellow Jews, who often have the survival of Israel heading the list of their concerns when it comes to electing a president, only gave 26 percent of their vote to Bush, even though he is clearly the most pro-Israel president we’ve ever had in the Oval Office.
It is the ACLU, which is overwhelmingly Jewish in terms of membership and funding, that is leading the attack against Christianity in America. It is they who have conned far too many people into believing that the phrase “separation of church and state” actually exists somewhere in the Constitution.
Got that?
It’s the Jews.
Part 6: Rule of Thumb
Friday, December 17th, 2004If it sounds too goddamned unbelievable, and fits a little neatly into your worldview…
… it probably is too good to be true.
