Tom Clancy’s Ghosts Recon: Tenuous Stability
Well, we’re due for a sequal to the old Saddam’s ass kicking Tom Clancy – approved video game that was released back in … oh, January of 2003.
Here you go. TOM CLANCY’S GHOST RECON: TENUOUS STABILITY
YOU ARE Private James Cohan, an National Guardsman stationed in Iraq. Your duty? To encourage the growth of democracy in a dangerous foreign nation. Will you succeed with such Tenuous Stability?
Gamplay Includes:
REALISTIC SITUATIONS
– Go on patrol in the Green Zone
– Protect empty Haliburton convoys
– Go house to house checking for insurgents between the ages of 18-35
– Check for scorpions in your boots
– Keep a safe distance from hot areas regardless of gunfire from inside
– Try and convince yourself that you are going home soon
– Get spit on by children who, 6 months ago, thought you were a liberator
– Get shot at from… who knows where?
– Write letters to home
– See RPG attacks explode right before your eyes, blinding you and shredding your hands to useless ground chuck
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
– Invade a foreign country with a history of violence and hatred of occupation and hope they’ll suck your democratic dick
– People won’t be annoyed by the lack of power and water
– Bombs will magically only kill the bad guys when you drop them on an occupied city block
– Iraqis will learn that American Multinationals are nice and kind, the type of people who would never exploit your national resources
– Abu Grahib will be forgotten as an anomaly
– The rest of the world will be pleased with unilateral action by the only remaining superpower
– Roses will soon fall from the sky, and candy will replace cobblestones
Game Informer gives TOM CLANCY’S GHOST RECON: TENUOUS STABILITY “1 out of 4 stars. This game made my cry with impotent rage!”
IGN says “After playing for only 5 minutes, I wanted to eat a bullet… or frag a sargent.”
GameSpot says “I just want to see my mom again. Is that so wrong?”
TOM CLANCY’S GHOST RECON: TENUOUS STABILITY
Only $119 Billion Dollars! Get it before it’s gone*!
*probably wont be gone for 5-15 years. Ubisoft takes no responsibility for depression, malaise or suicide that may come from playing Tenuous Stability. If symptoms persist, wave a flag and shout “4 More Years” until zombification takes place. Thank you and God Bless America.